What not to say in child custody mediation depends on whether you are in an evaluative shuttle mediation or a facilitative or collaborative law mediation.
A facilitative or collaborative case mediation involves you and your co-parent in the same space, so don’t say anything that could be considered negative, accusatory, demanding, or focused on the past.
Also, do not use inflammatory language, threats, or any terms or phrases that indicate you are unwilling to compromise with your co-parent. In an evaluative shuttle style mediation, you are not in the same room or space as your co-parent, so you will have privacy and confidentiality to vent if you need to, but should still do your best to stay focused on moving forward.
Have a Seattle child custody lawyer help you with child custody mediation. As your legal advocate and representative, your attorney will provide insights into what you should not say in child custody mediation sessions. They will also share mediation tips and recommendations and make sure that the legal rights and best interests of you and your kids are protected in mediation and beyond. Having legal representation in any family law mediation gives you the best chance of having a successful settlement.
Things You Should Not Say in Child Custody Mediation
When it comes to what to say and what not to say if you are involved in child custody mediation, err on the side of caution. Ultimately, the things you say can hurt your chances of reaching an agreement that ensures you can maintain the level of custody you want if you are inflammatory to the point that you alienate the other party or the mediator.
Lean on your family law attorney to guide you and prepare you, depending on the type of mediation you are choosing.
Below are some of the things that you should avoid saying in child custody mediation where the other party is present in the same room:
- Phrases in which you blame or accuse your co-parent of something, like “It is your fault” or “You never took care of the children”
- “My children” or other phrases that indicate possessiveness
- Demands like “I want the children to stay with me”
- Threats like “I will see you in court” if you do not get the immediate results you want out of mediation
- Comments about your co-parent that could come across as judgmental or highlight their past failures
- False accusations about your co-parent and the care and support that they have provided for your children
- Things like “I will continue to do what I want anyway” or others that show you are unwilling to compromise with your co-parent
- Insults or criticisms that show a lack of respect for your co-parent
In a shuttle-style mediation, there is more room to share these frustrations. Even when you are not in the same room with your co-parent, you should be careful about using some of these phrases and accusatory language, as it can waste time, give the mediator the impression that you are not focused on a productive settlement, and create friction in the process.
During mediation, your top priority should be finalizing a child custody agreement that ensures reasonable shared parenting responsibilities between you and your co-parent.
With comprehensive and personalized family law representation, you are well-equipped to get a child custody agreement that aligns with your needs and those of your co-parent and children.
What to Say in Child Custody Mediation
Get legal help before you go to a Washington State Dispute Resolution Center (DRC) for child custody mediation. Talk with a child custody lawyer about mediation and what it entails. Your attorney will explain the things you can say to boost your chances of getting your desired outcome in mediation, such as:
- Using terms like “we” and “us” to show that you view your co-parent as your teammate and want to raise your kids with them
- Utilizing “I” statements to frame your needs and feelings from your perspective
- Highlighting your children’s needs and keeping discussions between you, your co-parent, and your mediator centered around what you feel is in your kids’ best interests
It is incredibly challenging not to say the wrong things in child custody mediation. Thankfully, you do not have to proceed with mediation alone. Your child custody attorney will give your case their undivided attention. They will guide you through your mediation sessions, minimizing the risk that you will make mistakes along the way.
Tips to Help You Say the Right Things in Child Custody Mediation
In child custody mediation, think before you speak. Try to remain calm, cool, and collected, and take a deep breath if you feel stressed. In addition, keep your kids top of mind during mediation sessions since your actions at these times can have far-reaching effects on you and your children.
Relying on your experienced family law attorney for guidance will help you prepare and handle mediation the best way possible.
Establish realistic expectations for child custody mediation. Just because you and your co-parent use mediation and dispute resolution services does not mean that your child custody case will be resolved quickly. Throughout your mediation, remain patient and continue to focus on yourself, your children, and your kids’ relationships with both of their parents.
Maintain a respectful attitude toward your co-parent in mediation. Together, you and your co-parent can search for solutions to your child custody dispute.
If your co-parent is disrespectful toward you during mediation, do not engage. Remember, if mediation does not work out well, you still have the option of bringing your child custody case to family court.
The Bottom Line on What Not to Say in Child Custody Mediation
Mediation can be a great way to resolve a child custody dispute without court proceedings. Regardless, what you say and do not say in child custody mediation can impact you and your children now and in the future. If you receive legal guidance and support today, you can get the most value out of your child custody mediation sessions.
The team at Dellino Family Law has more than 180 years of combined experience. Our family lawyers will advise you on the things to say and not say in child custody mediation sessions.
We will work closely with you and your co-parent on resolving your child custody dispute so you can take the next step in your life. To learn more, request a consultation with us.
